An Update

Well, a lot has happened since my last post…which was what…just over a week ago?  Life just doesn’t stop, does it?

Sadly, I had to make the toughest choice in life last Friday…and had my dog put down.  She was about 12 years old, and suffering from diabetes and cancer (we were pretty sure.)  It got to the point where she wasn’t eating for roughly 4 straight days…and constantly throwing up.  Just by looking at her, you could tell she was suffering.  As much as I didn’t want to do it (and spent DAYS crying over the thought) I made the appointment and went through with it.  I selfishly wished she would just go on her own, but she was hanging on…for us I’m confident.  She went very peacefully, and she’s in a much better place now…without pain.  I like to think she’s hanging out with my Mom now…something I’m sure she’s thrilled about.  I miss my “kid” more than words could ever explain (the house is eerily quiet…and my cat thinks she OWNS the place now!)…but there’s a sense of calm now.  RIP Scruffy…we miss you baby girl!

So I had a birthday this week…the big 2-7 on Monday.  And what did I do to celebrate it?  (And partially drown my sorrows?)  Eat.  I spent 3 solid days eating cake…like the frickin’ ship was going down.  By Tuesday evening I pretty much burned myself out on it…and I vow from now until Thanksgiving (right around the corner people…can you believe it?)…NO MORE SWEETS!  I could actually feel my loose jeans a bit tighter yesterday…so I got my ass back in gear and started moving again.  (I’ve been on a two week hiatus…which is unlike me…but I suppose I let life get the best of me.)  I went for a 30 minute walk at lunch yesterday, and then woke up early this morning to do a Power 90 toning DVD.  It’s amazing…you stop your training for a few weeks, and something that used to be so simple can completely kick your ass!  But it felt good.  I needed that.  Tomorrow I’m meeting with a co-worker to play racquetball before work…which is a lot of fun…and burns mega-cals too!  (Yeah…there’s a racquetball court in the building where I work.  How bizarre is that?)

I fell into the infomercial trap over the weekend, and found myself ordering The Firm: Wave.  Has anybody ever used this?  Any thoughts?  It looks like a fun, thorough workout…and easy enough on my crapped out knees that I won’t quit halfway through.  I owned the original Firm years ago…but it was too much for my bad joints.  I just received an e-mail that it shipped…so I’ll be sure to let you all know my honest opionion.  God knows I’m all about honesty.

Alright kids…homework is calling my name.  I’m 75% back on the wagon, and hoping to make it a full 100% soon.

Life doesn’t stop when things happen…I guess you’ve just got to work around the obstacles, eh?

I should be a frickin’ poet!

And thus is begins. Again.

Well, the wedding finally came and went.  I can’t believe it’s over.  I’m a bit sad, but relieved, all the same.  It was a lot of work…but it turned out to be fabulous.  The weather was sunny and warm…the bride looked incredible.  It was fantastic.

Did I lose that 20lbs like I’d hoped?

Nope.  In fact, the dress was a bit snug…but it fit, and the day was excellent.  What more can you ask for?

Now here I am back to square one.  Gained a few lbs.  School is kicking my ass.  I have to take the GRE in a month, not to mention the Illinois Test of basic skills.

Do you remember how to add fractions with non-common denominators?

Neither do I.

Lot’s to contend with these days.  Homework.  A dog with rapidbly declining health.

Little time to make it to the gym because of my CRAZY schedule.

And eating like the ship is going down.

I need help re-focusing kids.

Enough screwing around.

This is my SOS!

Holy Crap!

I start school tomorrow.

::Gulp::

That’s all.  Off to bed.  Afterall, it’s a school night!  =)

FINALLY seeing progress!

I tried something new this week.  It’s pretty revolutionary, if you ask me.  Sit down.  Take notes.  Ready?

Eat less.  Move more.

No really, it’s that simple.

In my last blog, I mentioned that maid of honor dress I need to fit into (comfortably, might I add) on October 11th.  I decided to cut myself to 1,200-1,400 cals a day.  Starting this past Sunday, I’ve been pretty diligent in following that.  Lots of fruits, a few veggies (still not a big fan; I consume what I can tolerate) some whole grains and protein/dairy galore.  I’ve gotten at least 30mins of activity each day, generally closer to an hour…and I’ve been splitting it up between morning and evening.  (I really do feel that taking a 30 minute stroll post dinner makes a WORLD of difference.)  I stayed up late last night, so I skipped the workout today…but decided to see what my last 5 days of honestly healthy living have done for me.

I woke up, and immediately grabbed my tight jean capris.  These puppies have been haunting me all summer.  I could barely get them up over my big ol’ thighs and belly.  Well today folks, I hoisted up those bad boys, and zipped them up NO PROBLEM!  The scale can only tell you so much.  Jeans?  Those are the real measure of success or failure.

Of course, I still had to step on the scale. 

Down 4lbs!

Pills, potions, endless diet books; I’m done. 

Eat less, move more.  Eat less crap.  Eat more natural stuff.

It works people, really!  =)

 (I wish they made an emoticon that’s nothing more than a hand flipping the bird.  Because THAT’S what I’d be inserting right here…directed at the entire diet industry!)

I love mowing the lawn!

No really, I do.  There’s just something about getting out there in the sun, working up a sweat, and enjoying summer.  (Not to mention the mega calorie burn you achieve, to boot!  I burned something crazy like 700 cals today just mowing 3 lawns.  Whoo hoo!)  I think the thing I like about it most is that it gives me time to clear my head.  It’s just me, my headphones, the mower, and time to think.  Ok, so occasionally you’ll step in some dog shit, and you’ll be pulled out of your deep thoughts all too quickly…but it’s a small price to pay!  If you want a workout that gets your heart rate going, and you’re blood pumping AND accomplish something all at the same time, go mow the lawn.  Just don’t forget to put on gloves, or you’ll get MAD blisters after the fact. (Yes, definitely speaking from experience here folks.)

In other news, it’s officially T-Minus 2 months and 1 day until that wedding I’m the maid on honor in.  I’ve been fearing this day for ages now…as I hadn’t technically tried on the dress since November.  And we all know how much frickin’ success I’ve been having at losing those lbs this year….so today I bit the bullet and tried it on.  I learned a couple of valuable lessons:

1) Zipping a dress alone is virtually impossible.  Unless you’re some sort of gymnast that is able to contort onceself into unimaginable positions, you’re probably F’d, as was I.  So, I shimmied the back of the dress around to the front, sucked it ALL IN, and zipped it up.  (Barely.)  I then shimmied the zipper around to the back, and examined the damage.

2)  The dress fits…if I don’t plan on breathing much that day.  Eh, it’s overrated anyway.

3)  From here until October 11th, I will not eat food.  Water, coffee….the occasional Diet Coke if I’m feeling crazy.  Must fit COMFORTABLY into this dress!

4)  Ok, that last statement was dumb.  I’d be a raging mega Bitch without food.  More so than now.  I must eat.  Plus, I also start Grad school on August 26th (gulp, I know) and I’m thinking that going to school without eating generally isn’t the BEST way to start things off.  From here on out, it’s 1,200 cals a day.  1,500 if I’m dying, but I’m going to try and stick to 1,200 as closely as humanly possible.  2 months people…2 months.

20lbs gone by October 11th.  Can it be done?

Stay tuned.

Food Log

Thank you all so much!

I really appreciate everybody’s kind words of encouragement on Saturday.  It truly means a lot to have such a wonderful support system…especially from a group of people I’ve never met.  (Even you, you crazy Brits!)  After much soul searching, I’ve come to the realization that this process isn’t going to happen by doing some fad diet.  Low-carb, high protein, cabbage soup…all of that.  It’s not for me.  For those of you that can follow that and see success, I give you ALL the props in the world.  For me, it just doesn’t work.  I can’t find myself feeling guilty when I wake up on Saturday morning and want a bowl of cereal.  For the love of God…cereal isn’t the enemy! 

I’m going back to square one.  Back to what I know worked for me in the beginning.  Deep in my heart of hearts, I know the message LA Weight Loss tried to teach was portion control via proper food groups. They had an awful front, constantly trying the high pressure tactics to get you to buy more crap.  I loathed them for that…but they did teach me how to eat properly.  I still kick myself for ever quitting in the first place.  But I still remember how to do it.  Just like riding a bike.

I can’t live life with a plan that doesn’t allow me to kick back and have a few beers with friends every now and then.  Or a slice of pizza.

Or my Saturday morning cereal.

I’m feeling good today.  I went shopping yesterday (and $100 later) came out with real, healthy food.  Fruits, veggies, whole grains…even some protein.  I started back up with my Power 90 DVD’s this morning…and broke quite a sweat.  It felt great.

I’m back!  Thanks again to all of you for EVERYTHING!  =)

I’m at Wit’s End!

I don’t know what to do anymore.  Honestly, don’t have a frickin clue what to do.  I used to be a pro at this weight loss game.  I have people on here message me, telling me what an inspiration I am.

It’s not true.  I’m nothing but a failure anymore.  I just can’t seem to get it right.

I step on the scale week after week, and see that # go up.  Despite all of my efforts at eating right, and exercising..I keep gaining.

What am I doing wrong?  I’m at a total loss.

I joined a team in hopes of finding the inspiration to get this done once and for all…and I’m doing nothing but bringing them down.

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!

I’ve even gotten to the point where I’ve found myself so frustrated, that I’ve spent time online looking it up.

You know what I mean.

Surgery.

I don’t want to go that far.  I did this once.  I did this making healthy lifestyle changes via healthy eating and exercise.   And I was successful.  For Christ’s sake, I lost 100lbs!  Eating real food.  And NOT killing myself at the gym.  It was moderate at best.

And now…

I’m totally lost.

I have less than three months until this wedding.  I don’t even know if I’ll fit into the dress.  I’m scared as all hell.

I need a miracle…

I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!

That’s right kids…I got my official acceptance letter on Friday. Needless to say, MUCH celebration ensued, and I spent practically all of Saturday hung over…bet hey…you gotta celebrate sometimes, don’t ya?

So…I start school in a month. Oh my god. Grad school.

Here goes nothing!

Don’t bake cookies that only you like.

You’ll eat all 24.  By yourself.  I promise.  It might take you 5 days, but you’ll do it.  And you’ll gain 2lbs. 

 Lesson learned.

Grad School, Part 2.

It’s a go, my friends, and I couldn’t be more excited.

I met with the councelor a week ago, and felt instantly at home back in a school building. We talked for only a matter of minutes, but that was all that I needed.

A Master of Arts in Teaching Language Arts. I can’t wait.

But first, I must be accepted.

I must pass the Illinois Test of Basic Skills. (Uh oh.)

I must pass the GMAT. (Double uh oh. I don’t even know what that is.)

When I first arrived at NEIU last week, I was under the impression that if I was accepted, I’d be starting in the Spring.

Wrong-O. Fall. Yikes. That’s 3 months from now. Holy shit. I know.

Ok, I lied. You can start taking classes in the fall without these tests under your belt, but you can’t “declare” until you’ve passed. You’re considered a “student at large” until then.

Whatever.

I’m currently in the process of finishing up my application. It’s not long..it’s not hard. (Tee hee hee.) But the last question on it asks why you want to join the program, and what you’d like to achieve. I started answering it immediately, then thought about it for a moment. It’s a test…to see if you can write. i write purty, no? =) So I wrote it last night. And then my screen froze. I didn’t save it.

Oh shit.

So, the genius that I am, I ended up taking a picture of each and every paragraph, and re-writing the whole thing, after I refreshed the page. God bless digital cameras.

Here it is…let me know what you think.

“When I was in the 5th grade, I wrote a story about my Mother’s heart transplant, and won the Young Author’s Award for writing. My Mother said to me, “Kelly, I don’t know where you get your writing talent from. It sure didn’t come from me.”
 

As time passed, I continued to write. It was something I did mostly for school, but I still found extraordinary enjoyment in it. When I graduated from high school, I contined with my education at Northern Illinois University.
 

During my time at NIU, I was an on-air talent at the student run radio station. While on the air, I discovered my gift of speech, and would entertain the masses, (or at least those who listened) with my gift of words. After my first semester on the air, my mother said to me, “Kelly, I don’t know where you find the nerve to talk to people on the radio. You surely didn’t get that from me.”

During my last year at NIU, I tutored freshman in their Coms 100 class, a basic speech requirement for all majors. I would observe speech after speech, and give these budding talents a critique of their speeches, and offer suggestions on how to improve. The students looked up to me, and took my advice to heart. They were eager to learn, and from that, I took immense pleasure. After my last session with the students, my Mother said to me, “Kelly, I just don’t know how you can teach a bunch of kids you don’t know.” But I did. To me, it was natural.

During my last semester at NIU, it was time to write my senior thesis. After much debate, I wrote about Orson Welles’ impact on the history of radio. I spent weeks upon weeks slaving over that paper. It couldn’t just be good, it had to be spectacular. I wanted my readers to feel the “War of the Worlds” as they absorbed my written word. And spectacular, it was. After I turned in my paper and received that hard earned A, my Mother said to me once again, “Kelly, I’ll never understand where you get your writing ability. I’ll just never understand.”

After college, I had the incessant desire to continue writing, so I submitted an entry to a non-fiction essay contest sponsored by “Glamour” magazine. I felt compelled to tell the story of how I, Kelly Courtney, the “Big Girl” of the seniour class was able to blow all the stereotypes out of the water and was crowned Homecoming Queen of the senior class. Upon submission, my mother said to me, “Kelly, I don’t know where you find the strength and creativity to write the way you do. You make me so proud.”
 

My mother passed away on a cold February morning in 2005. I spent the first two days walking around in a dreary haze, hardly aware of my surroundings. On the third day, I realized what I had to do. It was my ultimate calling and there was simply nobody else who could complete this task. I had to give the eulogy at my Mother’s funeral. And that I did. I stood up there in front of that church filled with mourners, and spoke of the good days. I told stories of her past, and even managed to muster a few laughs from those who were grieving most. It was the hardest, most gut wrenching experience of my life, but I knew what I had to do.

As I stepped down from the altar, I could hear my Mother from somewhere in the distance saying to me,

“Kelly, I knew you could do it. I still don’t know where you find it in you, but don’t ever forget how proud you’ve made me.”

I feel that I’ve been blessed with the gift of creativity and writing. I know that if given the opportunity, I would grow tremendously within the Masters of Arts program offered at NEIU. In doing so, I would be able to spread my knowledge, and teach future generations the beauty of the English language, and everything that encompasses it. I have a burning desire to teach, and I know somewhere out there, students are yearning to learn. I want to be the person to open up their hearts and minds, and show them that they can find their own talents well within themselves.I want to do this for myself, for the memory of my Mother, and for future generations. I’ve had a burning desire to teach, and feel that the time has come.

I’m ready.”

So there you have it. Not bad, eh? I’m serious though…if you can think of any constructive changes, let me know. I’m planning on submitting it by Friday. Just waiting on my letters of recommendation.

And a way to pay for all of this craziness.

Anybody looking for a maid? =)
 


 


 

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