Not only did I fall off the wagon..
…I got run over by it. Seriously, this past week has been so crappy…(diet wise, I mean)….I feel so totally out of control…it’s INSANE. I’m not entirely sure why, but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with this added responsibility that stupid me took on at work. Of course, I could have said no, but the second I was approached by my boss, the big neon $$$ lit up in front of my face. Needless to say, I said yes, and this past week I’ve been completely COMPLETLY stressed out. I came home from work Tuesday night convinced that I was getting sick. Yet when I woke up Weds. morning I felt totally fine, and realized that I was just f*ing stressed. This thing I’m doing at work…it’ll eventually run smoothly..but for now, it’s a huge pain in the ass, and I’m stuck cleaning it up. Unfortunately, it’s taken a huge toll on my diet.
Ugh. Tueday and Weds I didn’t wake up on time to make it to the rec. AND, I didn’t go to Jazzercise either night this week, either. I’ve been eating like the ship is going down, granted none of it has really been junk food…healthy stuff for the most part, but in mass quantities. I just feel so fucking out of control, and I don’t know what to do. Argh.
And…to top it off…I met up with an old friend who moved out of state and is back in the good ol Land of Lincoln for a couple of months the other night…he brought along a friend of his that I’ve known through him and have seen a handful of times in my life. The last time I saw her was in May at my friends going away party….(At this point…she was probably close to 300lbs). Well, apparently she got her act together, and when I saw her the other night, I about fell over. Since May, she’s lost 46lbs. She looking AMAZING. Was I a tad bit jealous? You bet you’re happy ass I was. I asked her what she was doing…and she basically told me that she was eating much smaller portions…and getting in 4-5 elliptical/free weight sessions a week. And here’s the icing on the cake. She said that I was her inspiration. Un-frickin-believable!! Me…the person who has been gaining and losing the same fucking 5lbs all year is somebodys inspiration? Please. How can that be?
Folks, I sincerely apologize for the rant, but I feel like I’m really close to the edge right now…and don’t know what in the world to do to bring myself back. It’s a fucking scary feeling…especially when people at work comment on how I’m looking thinner….but I sure as hell don’t feel it…or see it for that matter. 
I need to go chill…I’m just pissing myself off even worse. Hope you’re all having a better night than I…
(I added this happy picture of me as perhaps a pseudo inspiration to myself…we shall see if it works…)
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Maybe you don’t feel thinner right now to you because you are tired and stressed and making some wrong food choices here and there and all that together messes with person’s mood. So if someone gives you a compliment you can’t really feel it because your mood isn’t good. First chance you have get in some needed rest. Start eating better. Start a new week with new goals. When I fall off the wagon and start eating badly my mood changes big time and I know it’s from the junk I’ve eaten.
I agree. Completely. I’m also on a roll here with the ‘hey, it’s time for some positive self-talk’ and since you can’t give it to yourself, I’ll give it to you, okay? You look at your weight journey as a failure. I look at it and I say, omg look what she’s dealt with and look what’s she accomplished. And look open she is despite the fact that she’s dealt with some major hardships at a very young age. And I look at your weightloss graph and I see victory, I see significant achievement. You are wonderful, you inspired someone even you couldn’t inspire yourself. And that is something to be proud of. Big hugs!
Hang in there. Really, it will all be ok. I know that is trite sounding, but seriously,you have done amazing, you are an inspiration!