Starting Monday…a journey to the finish…

How dare I get my period on Halloween?  How dare one of my co-workers visiting from NY bring me an infamous ‘black and white cookie’?  How dare I get the sugar cravings at 3pm, and eat everything in the office that wasn’t nailed down?  How dare that skinny blonde chick standing behind me in my sculpting class tonight show up with full hair and make up, not break a sweat, and still have lip gloss on at the end?  Ugh.

Needless to say, it’s been a bad day.  Bad is an understatement.  Terrible.  I was so proud of myself yesterday…went to my class…ate well througout the day…even found that I wasn’t nearly as hungry as normal.  I guess that was just the calm before the storm.  I have been nothing but a ravenous monster today, shoveling in the junk like I was going to be stranded on a desert island for the next month.  Why oh why oh why must there be a “time of the month?”  And to top it off, why does the picture perfect blonde chick have to make me feel a billion times worse about myself.  Perhaps if I wasn’t full force ragging it today, she wouldn’t have affected me as much, but she did.  During class, we were lying on our mats, doing a stretch.  I look over at her and cringe as I see her PERFECT little flat stomach…then for whatever reason (self torture, I suppose) look down at myself.  Mt. Stomach I should call it.  It feels like no matter how hard I try, I will never EVER come close to even looking as remotely good as she does.  Maybe if I got my jaw wired shut…

I just hate feeling like this.  And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.  Nothing.  When you’re up, you’re way up…and when you’re down…you fall hard.  And it seems nearly impossible to get yourself back up again.  With each bite of cavity inducing chocolate that passed through my mouth, I felt like a failure.

Sorry folks, it’s been a bad one.  I’m off to bed.

Well, I’m off to a slooooow start, but I’m finally headed in the right direction. At my weigh in tonight, I was down .8. So in 4 weeks, I’m down a whopping pound. All things considered, I’m content with it. I’d love to see 2lbs a week, but hey…with the way I screwed up my metabolism last year, I’m lucky to see the scale budge AT ALL, in a favorable direction. One day at a time, I suppose.

The Halloween party at my bar was great. I looked cute..the beer was cold (I only had a few…ok, and 2 shots. And boy was I hungover yesterday. Every time I drink I tell myself “you’re only drinking beer. No shots.” Does that ever happen? No. Damned Yaeger Bombs. =) On a different note, my dad won the costume contest at the bar. Oh my lord…you should have seen him. By the way he looked when they announced his name, you would have thought he won a million dollars. Check out my MySpace…there’s a ton of pics on there. http://www.myspace.com/cynicalred

In other news, I just got back from my new kickboxing class. My lord…I walked out of there completely, and I mean COMPLETELY drenched in sweat. Seriously, I looked like I had just stepped out of the shower. The class itself was pretty good…nothing I couldn’t do. There were only 2 big chicas in there…but let me tell you, I did most of those kicks, punches and squats a million times better than some of the skinny bitches in there. The instructor looked at me with this look of utter amazement….which is funny. I guess society assumes that heavy people are generally uncoordinated and non-athletic. On the contrary…I’ve always been pretty good at sports…and surprised the hell out of people when at my heaviest, I made the sports teams in high school. Just goes to show ya…you truly can’t judge a book by its cover.

Well folks, I’m off to shower, and watch my millionth scary movie of the week. (Did I mention Halloween is my favorite holiday?) Have a good one! =)

Sorry folks…haven’t been around if a few weeks. Ignoring this site for a few days, and you’re definitely in some trouble. Let me recap the past couple of weeks.

*I did sign up for Weight Watchers (again) which I think I told you all about in my last blog. Went in for my second weigh in on October 17th, and I’d actually managed to go up a whopping 2.4lbs. Not quite sure how I managed that, but the way my body works, it’s no surprise.

*Had my birthday last weekend (the 20th) and let’s just say, eating healthy simply didn’t happen. I won’t tell you what I ate, but let’s just sum it up by saying there were 4 cakes involved. Need I say more?

*I went to my weigh in this week (I switched to Monday’s. I feel that if I have to weigh in directly after the weekend, I might not incur nearly as much damage on myself.) Somehow, I lost 2 oz. Granted, you could do that after a visit to the restroom…but still. I ate cake last weekend like my ship was going down. I think the weight just hadn’t had time to actually settle…you know what I mean?

*I signed up for two classes through my park district. I’ll be taking kick boxing (which I’m so completely excited to start) on Monday evenings, and “Power Sculpt” on Wednesday nights. In addition, I’m still going to my Jazzercise classes on Tues/Thurs nights. I’ve always been gung-ho about exercising in the mornings…and dreaded doing it at night, but I think that I’ve had a change of heart as of late. I realized that despite the fact that I was getting up early to go to the gym…I wasn’t getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep can be just as detrimental to weight loss as eating junk food. Therefore, I think I’m going to stick to my schedule of 4 classes M-Th…and an optional trip to the gym/walk on Friday or Saturday. It probably won’t happen, but it won’t hurt to shoot for it.

Other than that, that’s all that’s really been going on in my world. My birthday was a really great time last weekend. Spent time with friends…went to a pumpkin farm…out to dinner…a night at a hotel with the bf…(yay)…and let me tell you, I made out like a bandit!

I’m totally psyched for Halloween…as it is my favorite holiday. I’m going to a costume party at my favorite bar tomorrow, and I’m dressing up as my boyfriend’s “Serving Wench.” (It’s a long story that I will fill you in on later in time.)  I will definitely be saving up some of my points for a few beers…and they will be well deserved after the long week.  Oh yeah…did I tell you all about how I won $$$ at work?  If not, here it is.  Remember I told you all it was customer service week at work, and we played games, had contests…and lots of food?  Well, we had to fill out this puzzle piece with our name on it, and write on this piece how we contributed to my companies customer service values, and to our customers.  (The theme was “connecting with customers,” hence the puzzle pieces.)  Well, I come into work the following Monday (I took a half day the previous Friday) and one of my cubemates looks at me and says,” Congratulations, Kelly.”  To which I reply, “For what, showing up on a  Monday morning?”  And he laughs and tells me no…and tells me about how I won something Friday afternoon after I left.  Well, I turn on my computer, scan through my e-mail, and find that our answers on those puzzle pieces where judged by the vp, and 2 other big cheeses.  For whatever reason, they picked mine as the winner, and I won a $100.00 American Express gift card.  I guess there was also a speech involved about how articulate I was..blah blah blah. So, the moral of that story is this:  brown-nosing pays!  (In case you were wondering, I used my gift card to go to Mario Tricocci and get a massage, facial, and my brows waxed.  After getting that done, I really wish I was a rich kid.  Man, what a life!)

Well folks, I think that about covers it for now.  It’s about 8:30  Saturday morning, (remind me to kick my friend who dared send me  text message @ 8am on a Saturday…) and I think I might go head to the rec and earn myself a few extra points for beer tonight!  Have a nice weekend…and Happy Halloween if I’m not back before then.

Well folks, after much debate, and numerous failed attempts (Imagine that, I know)…I signed up for weight watchers (again) tonight. I’m not quite sure what inspired me to do so, but I’ve learned that I’m not successful if I’m lacking that face to face accountability. (Oh yeah, and I’m cheap. If I’m paying for something, I use it.) I need to have that weekly kick in the butt…and if that’s what it takes, thats what I’m going to do.

As I mentioned in the title, the wedding that I’m the maid of honor in is a year from tomorrow. That means I have 365 days to lose 106.2lbs. Can it be done? Yes. Will it? Only if I stop making excuses, and stick to what I know works. If I come within 25lbs of my goal in a year, that’s still f*ing amazing. I’ll be content at 175. But, I’m striving for something here…something I’ve been putting off for way too long.

I was talking to my friend at Jazzercise last night, and discussing WW with her. I was being really indecisive…saying things like ‘Well, I tried it once before…,” you know, excuses like that. And she said to me, “What better time than now?” And she was absolutely right. There’s no need to ‘wait until Monday’ which I’m totally infamous for doing. I’m starting right now. (Ok, tomorrow…I’ve already finished my food for the day.) No more excuses. (How many speeches like this have I given on this site already?)

Folks, I’m going to need your help with this. I need to get this job done in the next year, and I really need all the support I can get. There are going to be some major obstacles coming up. My birthday is next weekend..and I plan on having a few drinks…and I really really wants some french fries. It’s my birthday…and as long as I allow the cals/points for them, it shouldn’t be a problem. Like I said though…I’m going to need extra help with this..hell…I’m half tempted to give out my phone# to have people call in and check up on me at random hours of the day. (Seriously, it’s not a half bad idea.) Anybody game?

Well folks, day one starts tomorrow. I weighed in tonight at 256.2. I’m shooting for a 5lb goal in the next 2 week. So that’s 251.6 by October 24th. Let’s get this game started!

**WW Quote 10.10.07 “By wanting to fly badly enough, you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”**

It’s Friday morning…I just returned from the gym after a great workout, and I’m already in good spirits. I step into my shower and begin my routine. After a few minutes, I notice a tiny ant crawling along the top of the bathtub, trying to make his way up the wall and out of the steam filled hell he’s currently caught in. I’m not a big fan of bugs, but ants generally don’t bother me, so I let him be. A few minutes later, I saw the little critter get caught in a downward stream and head for the drain. Not wanting to impede upon his lot in life, I did nothing. As I continued my shower, I glanced to the back of the tub, and there he was, struggling to make his way up the side again. The little bugger had fought his way through torture and got back to what I’m assuming was his starting point. Again, I did nothing. Moments later I again noticed that he fell back in the tub, and this time he appeared as though he was about to give up, and was heading for a quick death down the sewer pipes. I figured that was what was simply meant to be for him, and once more left him alone and finished up my shower. After stepping out and wrapping myself in a towel, I turned to face the mirror, and what to my wondering eyes should appear (no, not a miniature sleigh) but the ant. This critter fought for his life. One minute he was up, and the next minute he was back down for the count. But he got up again….he fought…and didn’t give up. It took a while, but he reached his goal. He crossed that finish line and managed to find freedom outside the watery confines of my bathtub. That little ant had set a goal for himself, and because of his endless persistence, he achieved that goal.

I think we can all take a little bit of guidance from this unwelcome guest in my shower. We are all going to fall down, but we need to get back up. There will be highs, and ultimately, there will be lows. But like the ant, if you keep your focus on that finish line, and all the glory and success that comes along with it, you’ll get there. It might not be easy, and we will definitely have to struggle along the way, but I promise, we’ll get there.

 Ok, it’s Customer Service week here at work, which means we play games, win prizes…get to wear jeans to work all week…and there’s an over-abundance of food here.  Every day I’ve arrived there has been a new candy bar, lollipop, package of cookies or some other form of sugar waiting for me on my desk.  Yesterday was “Dip Day” (a favorite dip contest)…tomorrow is pizza day…and today…the worst of all, is ice cream sundae bar day.  Luckily, the food is on the opposite side of the room, and I generally have no reason to walk over there…but my god…you’ve got to see what I’m contending with this week.  Oh yeah…and I have my period!!  (Thank God I took a 1/2 day tomorrow…I should be able to avoid the pizza!) 

 I’m enclosing a picture of my candy stash, the ice cream bar, and the room all decked out.  Oh yeah…and those huge bowls in the ice cream bar pic are bowls of hot fudge, caramel, and crushed up Oreos.  I’m convinced they are trying to kill me.

Well, at least I’ll beat Betty to the elliptical this morning…if that’s any solace.  

Sad to see the weekend over, but it was a good one.  Diet wise, it wasn’t so bad.  Only had a few beers Saturday night…and other than the giant freaking brownie my brother made (my brother the chef, don’t forget) my eating was in check.  It was a gorgeous weekend in Chicago…I think it reached like 85 yesterday…and I was able to finish my Halloween decorating.  (I’m attaching a picture of the front of the house.  Keep in mind, if I had all the time and money in the world, my house could double as a haunted house, because I’d go crazy with the decorating.  None the less, I think it looks cool.  Check it out.)

Back to diet “stuff.”  I’ve been reading a lot about “zig-zag” dieting, or calorie cycling…and I’m going to give that a shot.  The thing that’s odd is this…I checked out what my recommended calorie intake should be on numerous sites, and every single one suggested I take in at least 2,000 cal/day.  Does that seem a tad bit excessive to anybody, or is it just me?  When I was with LA (which has apparently changed their name to Pure WeightLoss….I wonder why…damned scam artist…)…I didn’t count calories, but now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I was close to 2,000 cals a day.  Has anybody tried this zig-zag approach?  Let me know your thoughts.  I’m going to try it out starting today…I’ll report my findings Saturday morning.

Well folks, it’s off to stake my claim on that treasured elliptical at the rec.  Have a fabulous Monday!  (That’s an oxymoron, isn’t it?)