Kool-Aid Kool-Aid, tastes great!
Alright all of you non-believers, I dragged my ass out shopping Friday night (Lane Bryant and Target all in one night Kelly? You wild woman you. )…and I bought some Kool-Aid. (And not the cheap stuff, mind you. I bought the real thing.) I brought it home, and in anxious anticipation, made up a batch before I even put the rest of my groceries away.
Kool-Aid + Stevia = heavenly goodness.
Yup, it really does taste good…try it, you won’t be disappointed. As for the measurements, I just kept dumping it in until it tasted good…roughly 1/3c or so. Who knows…it always tastes different when you’re tasting it off of the wooden mixing spoon, ya know?
Now, back to my other visit from Friday….Lane Bryant.
Ok, I had a $50.00 gift card from Christmas…and had received a flyer advertising some great clearance sales, so I decided to make a visit after work.
Sigh.
Where do I begin with what’s wrong with this store?
Let me start with describing mine. The one I visit is in Oak Brook, IL. Oak Brook is a VERY rich town…full of old money…oh yeah, and home to one of America’s favorites: McDonalds Corporation is headquartered in Oak Brook, IL. (Right down the block from Lane Bryant. Coincidence? Hmmm…) So, my LB is filled with rich, fat women. (And me…I come from the other side of the tracks…sometimes they let my kind in there. Kidding.)
Alright folks, what the fuck is wrong with this store? I walked around that place for a good 25 minutes before I found something even REMOTELY attractive. I mean, seriously. Some of these hideous patterns and designs…it looks like somebod paid Omar the Tentmaker to design for the store. Ugh. I just don’t know where they get off thinking plus sized women would want to be seen in public in some of this crap. Now, I’m no fashionista, believe me. I’m currently sitting in a green t-shirt that says “Take me for a Ride,” and a red pair of sweatpants that have my old college logo on the butt. (It’s Sunday…I’m in my PJ’s…you all understand.) But I know better than to walk around with giant freaking Cargo pants, wedge shoes..and a paisley, houdstooth tie-dyed halter top that in all reality looks like somebody vomited on it. Please. Give me a t-shirt and jeans any day.
But the worst…
The worst of the worst…
THE UNDERWEAR BINS!!
Oh don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Those ever familiar tall, clear plastic octagon shaped bins filled with the leftover excrement of underwear that nobody in their right mind would ever dare pay full price for.
Those.
Being the cheap ass that I am, I dug through them…in hopes of finding something halfway decent and comfortable.
Ha, what in the name of Pete was I thinking?
I found this one black lacy number that had strings…hooks…buttons. I wasn’t sure if it was underwear, or some kind of medieval torture device.
And then…my favorite…
The red panties (lace…semi-cute) had a string and two giant ping-pong sized cotton balls hanging off the back. Now let me ask you this; where do you put said cotton balls if you actually decide to wear these under a pair of jeans, or something? Do you let them hang out the back, as if you had a tail? Or do you tuck them..you know…down yonder, and pray that the cotton doesn’t get in the way of anything important?
Maybe I come from a more simple time (I’m 26, I don’t.)…maybe I’m old fashioned or something…but I guess I’ll just never understand some of the things you’ll find in the underwear bins at LB. Or half of their inventory, to boot.
So what did I walk out of their with, you ask?
A plain black bra…a blue long sleeved t-shirt….a black tank top..
And 5 pairs of NORMAL underwear from the bin.
Nothing with a tail for me, thanks.
XML Feed
You crack me up girl! Glad you like the kool-aid. Thanks for sharing with us!
I just had to read your blog before I signed off and I am glad I did…lol You crack me up…tails! ha ha
Oh, oh, I almost forgot. I love stevia, a word of caution though to people who do not know…stevia is really sweet, a little goes a loooooong way, at least the kind I buy does, so be careful and make sure to see how many drops or packets you need and don’t just dump, it can be bitter if you use to much.
I haven’t shopped in LB for years because of their old grandmamma looking clothes. What is up with all the flowers and outdated looking clothes. I mean really like the big sista’s aint trying to be sharp.
Stevia - where do you get that from?
That’s what I’m talking about. You rock. Have a great day.
Dr. Oz says Resverarol will help you to lose weight. It works!
Resveratrol Supplements can help you control your weight naturally
by increasing energy, reducing cravings, and limiting your appetite.
According to Wikipedia, Consumer Lab, an independent dietary
supplement and over the counter products evaluation organization,
published a report on 13 November 2007 on the popular resveratrol
supplements. The organization reported that there exists a wide range
in quality, dose, and price among the 13 resveratrol products
evaluated. The actual amount of resveratrol contained in the
different brands range from 2.2mg for Revatrol, which claimed to have
400mg of “Red Wine Grape Complex”, to 500mg for Biotivia.com Transmax,
which is consistent with the amount claimed on the product’s label.
Prices per 100mg of resveratrol ranged from less than $.30 for
products made by Biotivia.com, jarrow, and country life, to a high of
$45.27 for the Revatrol brand. None of the products tested were found
to have significant levels of heavy metals or other contaminants.
I love it! I end up with most of my clothes from Wal-Mart. If I’m selective I can find classics. Sounds like you did too even if you had to sort through the tailed wonder woman underpants (who knows…Some guy will think they’re hot) and through all the (sorry anyone over a certain age)old lady clothes… lol!!! My kids tell me I’m old but one day my daughter handed me a shirt with gromlets up and down the v-neck and said “every mom needs a hot mom shirt” Maybe we all should grab a pair of those tailed unders, throw caution to the wind and say “Every woman should have a pair of hot woman underpants!” To heck with tucking the tails in! Leave ‘em out and enjoy all the attention. lol!!!!
That was great! LB is supposed to be the “classy” fat ladies store - what a joke!
Most of their stuff falls apart in the wash even if you follow the instructions - especially sweaters. Try Jessica London, online and catalog - much better selections and a bit more stylish. (Warning - this advice comes from an old lady of 46, so may not be to your taste. But at least JL has cleaner lines and nicer colors.)
Thanks for giving me the chance to vent one of my pet peeves about Lane Bryant clothes. I am looking for some suits for job interviews. I like to dress up for work too, and LB’s suits and blazers all, and I mean ALL have these gigantic square patch pockets on the front. Now who in their right MIND would put big square patch pockets right on the place that most of us don’t want emphasized? Do the designers think somehow this covers up the fat? It just attracts more attention to the fact that there is a “Fat Lady Coming!”
Also - my rant about Walmart clothes for Large sizes or “Women’s Sizes”. If you ever want to buy a simple T-shirt for just sitting around the house on a Sunday afternoon - they all have cartoon characters on them - usually Tweety bird, or Betty Boop or something. Are we all 10 years old? Also - ever notice how the neck holes in those things are gigantic. Like they think - “Well, if she’s fat, she must also have a huge head!”
I think your blogs are my favorite! Your sense of humor and quick whit are great! Thanks for making me chuckle !
A bright side to the LB? At least you didn’t have to pay out of pocket for those items!
This is perhaps one of the funniest things I have ever read. You’re ready for Letterman…..
I’m SO on your side with this one. I am a tshirt and jeans kinda chick and LB just has crap - and EXPENSIVE crap. I mean $49.50 for something that possibly was someone’s grandma’s drapes is not ok!
I used to do most of my shopping at Old Navy b/c they had a plus section at the store where I live but then they got rid of it. I guess they needed more space for the XXXSmalls…..whatever. Now I just shop at Target for everything which means I have the same long sleeve tshirt in every color.
You are too funny, thx for the laugh!