Starting Monday…a journey to the finish…

I start school tomorrow.

::Gulp::

That’s all.  Off to bed.  Afterall, it’s a school night!  =)

I tried something new this week.  It’s pretty revolutionary, if you ask me.  Sit down.  Take notes.  Ready?

Eat less.  Move more.

No really, it’s that simple.

In my last blog, I mentioned that maid of honor dress I need to fit into (comfortably, might I add) on October 11th.  I decided to cut myself to 1,200-1,400 cals a day.  Starting this past Sunday, I’ve been pretty diligent in following that.  Lots of fruits, a few veggies (still not a big fan; I consume what I can tolerate) some whole grains and protein/dairy galore.  I’ve gotten at least 30mins of activity each day, generally closer to an hour…and I’ve been splitting it up between morning and evening.  (I really do feel that taking a 30 minute stroll post dinner makes a WORLD of difference.)  I stayed up late last night, so I skipped the workout today…but decided to see what my last 5 days of honestly healthy living have done for me.

I woke up, and immediately grabbed my tight jean capris.  These puppies have been haunting me all summer.  I could barely get them up over my big ol’ thighs and belly.  Well today folks, I hoisted up those bad boys, and zipped them up NO PROBLEM!  The scale can only tell you so much.  Jeans?  Those are the real measure of success or failure.

Of course, I still had to step on the scale. 

Down 4lbs!

Pills, potions, endless diet books; I’m done. 

Eat less, move more.  Eat less crap.  Eat more natural stuff.

It works people, really!  =)

 (I wish they made an emoticon that’s nothing more than a hand flipping the bird.  Because THAT’S what I’d be inserting right here…directed at the entire diet industry!)

No really, I do.  There’s just something about getting out there in the sun, working up a sweat, and enjoying summer.  (Not to mention the mega calorie burn you achieve, to boot!  I burned something crazy like 700 cals today just mowing 3 lawns.  Whoo hoo!)  I think the thing I like about it most is that it gives me time to clear my head.  It’s just me, my headphones, the mower, and time to think.  Ok, so occasionally you’ll step in some dog shit, and you’ll be pulled out of your deep thoughts all too quickly…but it’s a small price to pay!  If you want a workout that gets your heart rate going, and you’re blood pumping AND accomplish something all at the same time, go mow the lawn.  Just don’t forget to put on gloves, or you’ll get MAD blisters after the fact. (Yes, definitely speaking from experience here folks.)

In other news, it’s officially T-Minus 2 months and 1 day until that wedding I’m the maid on honor in.  I’ve been fearing this day for ages now…as I hadn’t technically tried on the dress since November.  And we all know how much frickin’ success I’ve been having at losing those lbs this year….so today I bit the bullet and tried it on.  I learned a couple of valuable lessons:

1) Zipping a dress alone is virtually impossible.  Unless you’re some sort of gymnast that is able to contort onceself into unimaginable positions, you’re probably F’d, as was I.  So, I shimmied the back of the dress around to the front, sucked it ALL IN, and zipped it up.  (Barely.)  I then shimmied the zipper around to the back, and examined the damage.

2)  The dress fits…if I don’t plan on breathing much that day.  Eh, it’s overrated anyway.

3)  From here until October 11th, I will not eat food.  Water, coffee….the occasional Diet Coke if I’m feeling crazy.  Must fit COMFORTABLY into this dress!

4)  Ok, that last statement was dumb.  I’d be a raging mega Bitch without food.  More so than now.  I must eat.  Plus, I also start Grad school on August 26th (gulp, I know) and I’m thinking that going to school without eating generally isn’t the BEST way to start things off.  From here on out, it’s 1,200 cals a day.  1,500 if I’m dying, but I’m going to try and stick to 1,200 as closely as humanly possible.  2 months people…2 months.

20lbs gone by October 11th.  Can it be done?

Stay tuned.

Food Log

I really appreciate everybody’s kind words of encouragement on Saturday.  It truly means a lot to have such a wonderful support system…especially from a group of people I’ve never met.  (Even you, you crazy Brits!)  After much soul searching, I’ve come to the realization that this process isn’t going to happen by doing some fad diet.  Low-carb, high protein, cabbage soup…all of that.  It’s not for me.  For those of you that can follow that and see success, I give you ALL the props in the world.  For me, it just doesn’t work.  I can’t find myself feeling guilty when I wake up on Saturday morning and want a bowl of cereal.  For the love of God…cereal isn’t the enemy! 

I’m going back to square one.  Back to what I know worked for me in the beginning.  Deep in my heart of hearts, I know the message LA Weight Loss tried to teach was portion control via proper food groups. They had an awful front, constantly trying the high pressure tactics to get you to buy more crap.  I loathed them for that…but they did teach me how to eat properly.  I still kick myself for ever quitting in the first place.  But I still remember how to do it.  Just like riding a bike.

I can’t live life with a plan that doesn’t allow me to kick back and have a few beers with friends every now and then.  Or a slice of pizza.

Or my Saturday morning cereal.

I’m feeling good today.  I went shopping yesterday (and $100 later) came out with real, healthy food.  Fruits, veggies, whole grains…even some protein.  I started back up with my Power 90 DVD’s this morning…and broke quite a sweat.  It felt great.

I’m back!  Thanks again to all of you for EVERYTHING!  =)

I don’t know what to do anymore.  Honestly, don’t have a frickin clue what to do.  I used to be a pro at this weight loss game.  I have people on here message me, telling me what an inspiration I am.

It’s not true.  I’m nothing but a failure anymore.  I just can’t seem to get it right.

I step on the scale week after week, and see that # go up.  Despite all of my efforts at eating right, and exercising..I keep gaining.

What am I doing wrong?  I’m at a total loss.

I joined a team in hopes of finding the inspiration to get this done once and for all…and I’m doing nothing but bringing them down.

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!

I’ve even gotten to the point where I’ve found myself so frustrated, that I’ve spent time online looking it up.

You know what I mean.

Surgery.

I don’t want to go that far.  I did this once.  I did this making healthy lifestyle changes via healthy eating and exercise.   And I was successful.  For Christ’s sake, I lost 100lbs!  Eating real food.  And NOT killing myself at the gym.  It was moderate at best.

And now…

I’m totally lost.

I have less than three months until this wedding.  I don’t even know if I’ll fit into the dress.  I’m scared as all hell.

I need a miracle…

That’s right kids…I got my official acceptance letter on Friday. Needless to say, MUCH celebration ensued, and I spent practically all of Saturday hung over…bet hey…you gotta celebrate sometimes, don’t ya?

So…I start school in a month. Oh my god. Grad school.

Here goes nothing!

You’ll eat all 24.  By yourself.  I promise.  It might take you 5 days, but you’ll do it.  And you’ll gain 2lbs. 

 Lesson learned.

It’s a go, my friends, and I couldn’t be more excited.

I met with the councelor a week ago, and felt instantly at home back in a school building. We talked for only a matter of minutes, but that was all that I needed.

A Master of Arts in Teaching Language Arts. I can’t wait.

But first, I must be accepted.

I must pass the Illinois Test of Basic Skills. (Uh oh.)

I must pass the GMAT. (Double uh oh. I don’t even know what that is.)

When I first arrived at NEIU last week, I was under the impression that if I was accepted, I’d be starting in the Spring.

Wrong-O. Fall. Yikes. That’s 3 months from now. Holy shit. I know.

Ok, I lied. You can start taking classes in the fall without these tests under your belt, but you can’t “declare” until you’ve passed. You’re considered a “student at large” until then.

Whatever.

I’m currently in the process of finishing up my application. It’s not long..it’s not hard. (Tee hee hee.) But the last question on it asks why you want to join the program, and what you’d like to achieve. I started answering it immediately, then thought about it for a moment. It’s a test…to see if you can write. i write purty, no? =) So I wrote it last night. And then my screen froze. I didn’t save it.

Oh shit.

So, the genius that I am, I ended up taking a picture of each and every paragraph, and re-writing the whole thing, after I refreshed the page. God bless digital cameras.

Here it is…let me know what you think.

“When I was in the 5th grade, I wrote a story about my Mother’s heart transplant, and won the Young Author’s Award for writing. My Mother said to me, “Kelly, I don’t know where you get your writing talent from. It sure didn’t come from me.”
 

As time passed, I continued to write. It was something I did mostly for school, but I still found extraordinary enjoyment in it. When I graduated from high school, I contined with my education at Northern Illinois University.
 

During my time at NIU, I was an on-air talent at the student run radio station. While on the air, I discovered my gift of speech, and would entertain the masses, (or at least those who listened) with my gift of words. After my first semester on the air, my mother said to me, “Kelly, I don’t know where you find the nerve to talk to people on the radio. You surely didn’t get that from me.”

During my last year at NIU, I tutored freshman in their Coms 100 class, a basic speech requirement for all majors. I would observe speech after speech, and give these budding talents a critique of their speeches, and offer suggestions on how to improve. The students looked up to me, and took my advice to heart. They were eager to learn, and from that, I took immense pleasure. After my last session with the students, my Mother said to me, “Kelly, I just don’t know how you can teach a bunch of kids you don’t know.” But I did. To me, it was natural.

During my last semester at NIU, it was time to write my senior thesis. After much debate, I wrote about Orson Welles’ impact on the history of radio. I spent weeks upon weeks slaving over that paper. It couldn’t just be good, it had to be spectacular. I wanted my readers to feel the “War of the Worlds” as they absorbed my written word. And spectacular, it was. After I turned in my paper and received that hard earned A, my Mother said to me once again, “Kelly, I’ll never understand where you get your writing ability. I’ll just never understand.”

After college, I had the incessant desire to continue writing, so I submitted an entry to a non-fiction essay contest sponsored by “Glamour” magazine. I felt compelled to tell the story of how I, Kelly Courtney, the “Big Girl” of the seniour class was able to blow all the stereotypes out of the water and was crowned Homecoming Queen of the senior class. Upon submission, my mother said to me, “Kelly, I don’t know where you find the strength and creativity to write the way you do. You make me so proud.”
 

My mother passed away on a cold February morning in 2005. I spent the first two days walking around in a dreary haze, hardly aware of my surroundings. On the third day, I realized what I had to do. It was my ultimate calling and there was simply nobody else who could complete this task. I had to give the eulogy at my Mother’s funeral. And that I did. I stood up there in front of that church filled with mourners, and spoke of the good days. I told stories of her past, and even managed to muster a few laughs from those who were grieving most. It was the hardest, most gut wrenching experience of my life, but I knew what I had to do.

As I stepped down from the altar, I could hear my Mother from somewhere in the distance saying to me,

“Kelly, I knew you could do it. I still don’t know where you find it in you, but don’t ever forget how proud you’ve made me.”

I feel that I’ve been blessed with the gift of creativity and writing. I know that if given the opportunity, I would grow tremendously within the Masters of Arts program offered at NEIU. In doing so, I would be able to spread my knowledge, and teach future generations the beauty of the English language, and everything that encompasses it. I have a burning desire to teach, and I know somewhere out there, students are yearning to learn. I want to be the person to open up their hearts and minds, and show them that they can find their own talents well within themselves.I want to do this for myself, for the memory of my Mother, and for future generations. I’ve had a burning desire to teach, and feel that the time has come.

I’m ready.”

So there you have it. Not bad, eh? I’m serious though…if you can think of any constructive changes, let me know. I’m planning on submitting it by Friday. Just waiting on my letters of recommendation.

And a way to pay for all of this craziness.

Anybody looking for a maid? =)
 

I found a program!!!  It’s at North Eastern Illinois University, and it would be a Master of Arts in Teaching: Language Arts Program.  I ended up parusing the website, and contacted an advisor there.  She seems really cool, and was totally helpful.  I’ll be taking the afternoon off from work tomorrow, and will be meeting up with her to discuss how the program works…what my eligibility is with my undergrad, and all of that good stuff.

Yay!  Who even knows if I’d get accepted into grad school…but hey, this is definitely a start.  I’ll keep you all posted on how the meeting goes tomorrow.

But for now, I begin the (dreaded) application process.  Ick.

Have a good night kids!

Ok, so I’m sitting here watching “Queen Sized” on Lifetime…a story about a fat girl running for homecoming queen. It’s a great story, where I’m sure the underdog ends up winning and becoming the ultimate victor. All fine and dandy, as I have a story like that of my own. Here’s my beef with the story: everytime this girl gets stressed out, she immediately runs to food. There’s a scene where she seeks solace in her hidden stash of cupcakes in her bedroom desk drawer. Or another where she finds herself overhwhelmed by the homecoming court competition, so she ultimately runs home, flings open the freezer door, and collapses on the kitchen floor, with the tub of mint chocolate chip in tow.

Is it just me, or is this just a bit excessive? I know networks have to exaggerate these stories for dramatic effect, and of course, ratings. But, isn’t it all just a tad un-realistic? Maybe I’m on my own here, but when I get stressed out I yell, I cry….if it’s warranted, I throw things. But I don’t run to food. I never had. I got fat by simply eating too much too often…and eating all the wrong kinds of foods to boot.

Obesity isn’t a cookie cutter epidemic. We don’t all fit into this same mold that was portrayed in this movie. Sure, I guess there are people out there that do make ice cream their “go to” when times get tough…but that doesn’t hold true for everybody. Some of us just like food a little too much. Plain and simple. Of course, this is the media…and they love to personify stereotypes the best they can.

I’m disappointed in you Lifetime.

**I was homecoming queen my senior year of high school, and it was awesome. I’m sure there were some who taunted me, and hoped that I didn’t win. But I did. I had a great group of friends, and support from a great deal of the class as a whole. (Ok, so my nickname in high school was Big Red..but I’ll let the secret out now. I came up with that name years before high school.) It was a great experience, and to feel the teeth of that tiara being placed ever so gracefully upon my head…AND NOT THE HEAD CHEERLEADER…it was great!**

(I have a picture, but this damned site isn’t letting me post it now.  Boo.)